You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
