I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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