this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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