I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
