You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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