it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
