you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
