You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
