just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
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