eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He shit in the fireplace
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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