I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
