plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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