I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
