so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
