So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
