I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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