i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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