i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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