Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
