Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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