theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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