She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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