i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
