it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
