My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
