I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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