I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
