just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize