hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
