you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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