K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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