I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
