shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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