Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
