You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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