oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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