i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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