I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
