Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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