fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
