I think im going to throw up on grandma
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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