Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I believe in your delicious
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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