The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
