your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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