OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
