This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
