I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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