We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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