To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
