she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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