just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
