Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
