If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize