So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
