My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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