well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
