Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
