Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can I color on your dick again?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize