Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
