You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
