take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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