We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
